Lundy Bancroft provides some insight into what it looks like for an abuser to do the real work of changing and why it seldom happens.
Well, he can change, but what ends up mattering much more in the life of a woman who has a destructive partner is “Will he change? And we know that he won’t change, for example, unless he completely admits to all the things he’s done. If he’s continuing to deny a lot of the ways he has torn her down, or the ways he’s been violent or the ways he’s bullied her about sex — if he’s still denying part or all of what he did he’s not going to change.
And he’s not going to change by some sort of overnight realization that what he’s done was bad and he doesn’t want to be that way any more. That kind of epiphany change never…
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