My picker is broken, for friends and the like. And apparently I didn’t learn my lesson the first time with the phone business. This is going to be a long, frustrated rant. It’s times like these when I remember why I don’t let people do things for me.
I’m coming to terms with the reality of the relationship with who I now call The Underminer. There were red flags, and boundary issues from the get go. I gave her passes, didn’t establish and maintain clear boundaries, and now we are where we are. As I told a friend of mine the other day, I wasn’t functioning very well when I moved in with her and her now ex boyfriend. By the time we moved to J’s house, I was doing much better, and started standing up for myself, telling her no, and calling her out on her bad behavior. She didn’t like that. I still believe that she is very traumatized, and she needs help, (as do I) I cannot and will not deal with someone who needs help, but refuses to get help, and then uses it as an excuse to treat others badly. I can’t put myself and my child through that any longer.
She “helped” me when I needed it. She was outraged at the controlling, dominating ex narcopath, and his treatment of my child and I. (Oh, the irony.) Crazy liked to taunt my youngest while I was at work, usually by saying the word “penis” a lot, or just have loud, inappropriate, sexual conversations so that my child would hear them. My daughter obviously wasn’t allowed to use his phone to contact me, so Angel gave her an old phone that was on her family plan. That line was only $5 a month, I told her I would pay for it. She wouldn’t let me pay until we moved in with them, “Don’t worry about it.” She also let me get a phone on her plan before I moved out of Crazy’s house. (One again that I was paying for and paying off the phone itself) I was thinking of going to a shelter to get out of Crazy’s house, (which he also taunted her with) instead, Angel talked to the landlord of the place she was living with her then boyfriend. He agreed that we could stay in one of the rooms. He and the other roommates didn’t expect me to pay anything for the first couple months, but I did start paying part of the electric/gas bill and part of the cable bill, of course I bought groceries. Just when I was going to start kicking in for rent is when we had to book it because of what happened with her now ex boyfriend. After leaving I paid another $160 towards the gas/electric bill, which I did behind her back, as she was insisting that I pay them nothing.
We should have left J’s house immediately, I stayed out of guilt. I felt like I would be abandoning her. But I knew that it was not going to be a good place for us. – Mistake: making a decision based on someone else’s needs instead of the needs of my child and I.
Since leaving, and her loss of control over me and my child, she started ramping it up at work. I’ve not lost my cool on her at work, and I’m not going to, I’ll just go to HR. She now best buds with JR’s Flying Monkey. Despite all her words about how she “loves” us, me and my daughter are her “family”, I have watched her actions which have said quite the opposite. Which is why she went from being “Angel” to “The Underminer”. – The name change was bothering me, as it seemed narcissistic to me. I dubbed her Angel to signify the flight from JR’s house, not that she’s a person without flaws.-
Going back to a few weeks before going to the shelter. My daughter’s phone “disappeared”. My daughter swears that Angel used her phone, since Angel couldn’t find her own, for an alarm clock. Angel said that she didn’t. But, that was one of many drunken nights, it was not uncommon for her not to remember (or pretend to, I don’t know) entire conversations that her and I had, when she had been drinking. That phone was never seen (by us) again, but I was still paying the bill for it. I didn’t pitch a fit about that seeing I didn’t pay anything for the first couple months.
I knew that Angel had the phone and just decided to take it away, because she felt like it. Having lived with my narc aunt who pulled stunts like that with various items, while sitting there with an innocent “I don’t know” look on her face, I’m all too familiar with the “disappearing act”. Angel pulled the same thing with my daughter’s I Pad soon after. (I found that immediately) I know it was her because she was the only other person in the house when it went missing. After I found it, she said, “That didn’t take long.”
The day we left for the shelter I went and got my own account with the same carrier that Angel has, and got my daughter a new phone. I was told that I could transfer my current phone number from her account to my account, but the handset payments would have to stay on Angel’s account, since it was purchased in her name. Previously, Angel had told me that I should get my own account, which I agreed.
She comes to me at work at the end of last week and shows me that she got a new phone, woo hoo, good for her. She also tells me that she made some changes to the account, and that it should be cheaper for me. Ummmm, ok? I never asked her to make any changes, but assumed that she was taking off the $5 that I had been paying for the phone we didn’t have. I got a text from her on Sunday night, asking me to pay my portion of the bill, reminding me that it had to be done by the 20th. I told her that I knew, and that I wanted my number switched over to my account before the end of the next billing cycle. When I got home from work Sunday night I went to make a payment from my handset and got an error message that I was “forbidden”, so I texted her to let her know that. Then it was all, “No worries, I’m on the phone with them now, I guess they’re having system issues tonight. We’ll take care of it later.” I managed to get in and make a partial payment with my card, and planned on paying the rest of the bill at the store the next morning before going into work. I sent a text to her to let her know all this.
She cranked it up a notch at work, teamed up with the Flying Monkey, and me and another co worker were reamed out by my boss on Monday. Her reaction to me being offered the promotion has been very, very telling. She was pissed when I told her. When it finally came through she begrudgingly told me congratulations. I brushed it off as it was just lip service. From the way she has acted after her troubles with the Flying Monkey in the past, I knew to expect a lot of passive aggressive acts from her, and she has not disappointed. She left early Monday, without asking, but not before telling me that she almost spit on me (she was laughing as she said it) because she “didn’t know” I was outside the back door. My response to her was, “That would have went over well.” as I walked past her to get inside. She also left a bunch of her work for us to clean up. Then she went straight home and reported my phone as stolen. So now, it’s a glorified paper weight. All the money I’ve paid towards it is gone. If I would have went into the store to find out what was going on, instead of calling on it first, I likely would have been arrested, or they would have called the police because I am now in possession of “stolen property”. Oh, she’s just like my “family” alright. I don’t talk to most of them for pulling bullshit like that. Good thing I still have all the paperwork, and proof of payment for all the bills and activation. I’ve become quite anal about keeping proof lately.
Another person who couldn’t stand that we left, that they don’t exert that control over me any longer, and because of that, I must pay. I’m going to invest in a digital recorder. Small, and light weight. 🙂 Oh, and I called it. After having trouble getting in to make the payment, I thought she was in the process of doing that on Sunday night. Pissed because I said I wanted my line off her account. She liked it how it was, because I couldn’t make any changes to my account, everything had to go through her. Next up will be her hanging out with Crazy, I can almost guarantee it.
I will be getting insurance soon, it’s off to therapy for us. I can’t wait. I want healthy friends, and the only way to find them is if I am healthy myself.