It’s not two months, but at least it’s longer then 13/14 days. I’m thankful for that. I am hoping that he’s getting bored of me finally. I hate to wish for someone new to distract him, as I don’t wish him on anyone. But it’s getting close to his time limit as far as keeping the mask up with his side piece, now “main” female. I’m afraid that doesn’t bode well for me.
As far as being answered for at work, I pointed it out to her right after she did it the other day. She said, “I thought I would save you the trouble of asking a stupid question. I mean answering.” I told her I don’t need her “help”. Still kept my cool. I will continue to point it out in the future, as I’m sure she’s not done.
10 Ways To Know if You Are Dating a Sociopath
Hi Gorgeous, I found this interesting article on Girlie Girl Army http://girliegirlarmy.com/ I hope you find it interesting.
Love Kim xxx
You need to be aware who you let into your life, single ladies and menfolk. Sociopaths are often hard to spot, as they can be charming with amazing social skills.
Sociopaths are smooth talkers, always have an answer, and can seem very exciting.
But their charm hides a chilly selfishness designed to torment.
Learn how to identify and avoid sociopaths by reading 10 ways to spot a sociopath (aka con artist) on your first date.
There are people in the world who don’t care about love, and who feel no remorse, empathy or emotional attachment to others. They don’t even know what these feeling are. These people are called sociopaths. Most people think of a sociopath as a deranged…
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My picker is broken, for friends and the like. And apparently I didn’t learn my lesson the first time with the phone business. This is going to be a long, frustrated rant. It’s times like these when I remember why I don’t let people do things for me.
I’m coming to terms with the reality of the relationship with who I now call The Underminer. There were red flags, and boundary issues from the get go. I gave her passes, didn’t establish and maintain clear boundaries, and now we are where we are. As I told a friend of mine the other day, I wasn’t functioning very well when I moved in with her and her now ex boyfriend. By the time we moved to J’s house, I was doing much better, and started standing up for myself, telling her no, and calling her out on her bad behavior. She didn’t like that. I still believe that she is very traumatized, and she needs help, (as do I) I cannot and will not deal with someone who needs help, but refuses to get help, and then uses it as an excuse to treat others badly. I can’t put myself and my child through that any longer.
She “helped” me when I needed it. She was outraged at the controlling, dominating ex narcopath, and his treatment of my child and I. (Oh, the irony.) Crazy liked to taunt my youngest while I was at work, usually by saying the word “penis” a lot, or just have loud, inappropriate, sexual conversations so that my child would hear them. My daughter obviously wasn’t allowed to use his phone to contact me, so Angel gave her an old phone that was on her family plan. That line was only $5 a month, I told her I would pay for it. She wouldn’t let me pay until we moved in with them, “Don’t worry about it.” She also let me get a phone on her plan before I moved out of Crazy’s house. (One again that I was paying for and paying off the phone itself) I was thinking of going to a shelter to get out of Crazy’s house, (which he also taunted her with) instead, Angel talked to the landlord of the place she was living with her then boyfriend. He agreed that we could stay in one of the rooms. He and the other roommates didn’t expect me to pay anything for the first couple months, but I did start paying part of the electric/gas bill and part of the cable bill, of course I bought groceries. Just when I was going to start kicking in for rent is when we had to book it because of what happened with her now ex boyfriend. After leaving I paid another $160 towards the gas/electric bill, which I did behind her back, as she was insisting that I pay them nothing.
We should have left J’s house immediately, I stayed out of guilt. I felt like I would be abandoning her. But I knew that it was not going to be a good place for us. – Mistake: making a decision based on someone else’s needs instead of the needs of my child and I.
Since leaving, and her loss of control over me and my child, she started ramping it up at work. I’ve not lost my cool on her at work, and I’m not going to, I’ll just go to HR. She now best buds with JR’s Flying Monkey. Despite all her words about how she “loves” us, me and my daughter are her “family”, I have watched her actions which have said quite the opposite. Which is why she went from being “Angel” to “The Underminer”. – The name change was bothering me, as it seemed narcissistic to me. I dubbed her Angel to signify the flight from JR’s house, not that she’s a person without flaws.-
Going back to a few weeks before going to the shelter. My daughter’s phone “disappeared”. My daughter swears that Angel used her phone, since Angel couldn’t find her own, for an alarm clock. Angel said that she didn’t. But, that was one of many drunken nights, it was not uncommon for her not to remember (or pretend to, I don’t know) entire conversations that her and I had, when she had been drinking. That phone was never seen (by us) again, but I was still paying the bill for it. I didn’t pitch a fit about that seeing I didn’t pay anything for the first couple months.
I knew that Angel had the phone and just decided to take it away, because she felt like it. Having lived with my narc aunt who pulled stunts like that with various items, while sitting there with an innocent “I don’t know” look on her face, I’m all too familiar with the “disappearing act”. Angel pulled the same thing with my daughter’s I Pad soon after. (I found that immediately) I know it was her because she was the only other person in the house when it went missing. After I found it, she said, “That didn’t take long.”
The day we left for the shelter I went and got my own account with the same carrier that Angel has, and got my daughter a new phone. I was told that I could transfer my current phone number from her account to my account, but the handset payments would have to stay on Angel’s account, since it was purchased in her name. Previously, Angel had told me that I should get my own account, which I agreed.
She comes to me at work at the end of last week and shows me that she got a new phone, woo hoo, good for her. She also tells me that she made some changes to the account, and that it should be cheaper for me. Ummmm, ok? I never asked her to make any changes, but assumed that she was taking off the $5 that I had been paying for the phone we didn’t have. I got a text from her on Sunday night, asking me to pay my portion of the bill, reminding me that it had to be done by the 20th. I told her that I knew, and that I wanted my number switched over to my account before the end of the next billing cycle. When I got home from work Sunday night I went to make a payment from my handset and got an error message that I was “forbidden”, so I texted her to let her know that. Then it was all, “No worries, I’m on the phone with them now, I guess they’re having system issues tonight. We’ll take care of it later.” I managed to get in and make a partial payment with my card, and planned on paying the rest of the bill at the store the next morning before going into work. I sent a text to her to let her know all this.
She cranked it up a notch at work, teamed up with the Flying Monkey, and me and another co worker were reamed out by my boss on Monday. Her reaction to me being offered the promotion has been very, very telling. She was pissed when I told her. When it finally came through she begrudgingly told me congratulations. I brushed it off as it was just lip service. From the way she has acted after her troubles with the Flying Monkey in the past, I knew to expect a lot of passive aggressive acts from her, and she has not disappointed. She left early Monday, without asking, but not before telling me that she almost spit on me (she was laughing as she said it) because she “didn’t know” I was outside the back door. My response to her was, “That would have went over well.” as I walked past her to get inside. She also left a bunch of her work for us to clean up. Then she went straight home and reported my phone as stolen. So now, it’s a glorified paper weight. All the money I’ve paid towards it is gone. If I would have went into the store to find out what was going on, instead of calling on it first, I likely would have been arrested, or they would have called the police because I am now in possession of “stolen property”. Oh, she’s just like my “family” alright. I don’t talk to most of them for pulling bullshit like that. Good thing I still have all the paperwork, and proof of payment for all the bills and activation. I’ve become quite anal about keeping proof lately.
Another person who couldn’t stand that we left, that they don’t exert that control over me any longer, and because of that, I must pay. I’m going to invest in a digital recorder. Small, and light weight. 🙂 Oh, and I called it. After having trouble getting in to make the payment, I thought she was in the process of doing that on Sunday night. Pissed because I said I wanted my line off her account. She liked it how it was, because I couldn’t make any changes to my account, everything had to go through her. Next up will be her hanging out with Crazy, I can almost guarantee it.
I will be getting insurance soon, it’s off to therapy for us. I can’t wait. I want healthy friends, and the only way to find them is if I am healthy myself.
I envisioned a white light surrounding me for the better part of the morning, (thank you AoA!!) before The Underminer came in. I was in a much better mood, definitely more at peace. She didn’t answer for me once today. Although I got a phone call at home from her, which had me second guessing myself. But, that issue is something I’ll have to look into tomorrow.
A different friend of mine recently started seeing a guy who was trying to move things along at the speed of light. They’ve known each other a month and he’s telling her he loves her, he wants her to meet him mom, asking if they’re exclusive, talking about “what if we move in together six months from now?” Big. Red. Banners. Alarm bells are going off, left, right and center. I don’t know that he’s disordered, but something is not right.
Of course I was trying to warn her. Woah slow down, this is going way too fast. These conversations are things people normally talk about at least six months or so down the line. She noticed some of the flags, without me pointing them out.
This morning I awoke irritated, due to dreaming about the narcopath. I don’t usually remember my “regular” dreams, and lately it’s been no different even when dreaming of him. Nightmares I usually remember, but thankfully there have been no nightmares since the beginning of July. About the only thing I remember about this dream is that there was a toilet involved. (Ha ha! How’s that for symbolism?)
What does that have to do with anything?
After work, my friend told me that she was awoken in the middle of the night by her new beau, pissing in her bedroom. He peed on her dresser and carpet. Twice. Did it the first time, went back to sleep, woke back up and did it again. The second time, she asked him why the hell he was doing that, his response was “Because I can.”
She asked him to leave and he did. Never once apologizing. I knew nothing of this until after work, and when she told me, I told her of my dream today. We laughed a great deal about that.
Now here’s the kicker. He texts her saying he’s sure she never wants to speak to him again and he loves her. She responded that she is disgusted, baffled, and that he was belligerent with her when she asked why. He still hadn’t apologized. Out comes the “I want to die” text.
I told her that if he keeps that bullshit up that she should call the police, because he’s a danger to himself, and they can pick him up and put him on a 72 hour hold. He sends her another text saying that he wants to die tonight. So, she did it. She called the cops, and they’re currently trying to find him.
My opinion is, it was a manipulative statement designed to get her to act exactly hows she’s now acting. Worried, scared, wanting to take off and look for him. (I put my foot down there and refused to watch her kids so she can do that.) This is someone she decided that she doesn’t want to be involved with anymore, but he’s managed to become all she’s focused on for the last several hours.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand concern for someone wanting to harm themselves. I’ve had one friend who committed suicide, a family friend’s kid committed suicide, my cousin attempted suicide, and the Flying Monkeys boyfriend contacted me more then once saying he wanted to hurt himself. Aside from my friend, who I was out of contact with for a couple years, they all told me they wanted to hurt themselves beforehand. I was able to tell my aunt and get my cousin help, but the child of the family friend was bound and determined to leave this earth. And she did. But, I digress.
I’ve heard those threats more than once, from people who had no intention to do so, (ex narcopath included) and were purely stating that to be emotionally manipulative. I feel that is the case today. I obviously hope I’m not wrong. I sincerely hope he’s just a douchebag, and doesn’t carry out his threat.
All because he was piss drunk and pissed on her carpet. Because he can.
Now I’m just exhausted.
The Underminer was at it again. Her tactic as of late is speaking for me. If she is any where within in ear shot of someone, anyone, asking me a question, or simply discussing something with me, she answers for me.
I spent most of today thinking about how to approach her regarding this behavior. It started out on a personal level, outside of work, with my child. Now that my only contact with her is at work, it’s intruding there.
Do I discuss this with her at work? Do I try to first discuss this with her outside of work, since that’s where it began?
I’m worried about completely loosing my shit at work, like I did with the Flying Monkey. I know that how ever I handle it, it needs to be soon because I have had enough.
It makes me want to yell, “No one fucking asked you. Last I checked you aren’t me.” Or “If I need your ‘help’ I’ll ask for it. Until then shut it.” I have no problem asking someone when I don’t know something, no issue asking for help.
I know the reasoning/psychology behind the behavior. The whole tearing me down to build herself up stuff.
Immediately after I moved out she cozied up to flying monkey. Another point which shows she cannot be trusted. I fully expect the vindictive behavior to begin in full force. And just to drive her point home, I expect that the narcopath will be involved in some way. I really, really hope that I am way off base here. But that’s my gut feeling.
I hope I’m wrong.
If you’ve ever ended up with a narcissist before, or if you are out there in the dating world, these are some of the things that you should be aware of when you begin to date someone new. These tips may keep you from realizing that you have been “captured” by a narcissist.
1. In initial conversations make sure you ask them as many questions as they ask you. Wait for an answer. If they say that they like something, ask a more specific question.
Why this is important
Narcissists actually probe you for information so that they can learn as much about you as possible. By asking them questions, you force them to tell you about themselves. This slows down the process of them collecting data and allows you an opportunity to determine if they are lying.
For example, you say, “I love dancing the Macarena” They reply, “I…
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How to handle the smear campaign, because they all do it.