I was going to meet up today with the ex before me, but she canceled. Then I think she felt badly about canceling, and was going to come anyhow.
I told her that I understand and that I appreciate her talking to me at all. I don’t want to be a source of pain for her. I was afraid of the affect on her of speaking to me in the first place. It’s been almost two years out for her, and I’m not sure how long he harassed her after. I know it takes a long time to heal from being involved with these people. In the end instead of her pushing herself to talk to me, I said we can put it off. Then if she still feels that way, I understand and I respect that. I don’t want her doing anything that makes her uncomfortable, or sets her back.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to ask her. I think that if anything it would be a comfort to connect with someone who knows what it’s like living in hell with him. I wanted to know how long he kept it up with her after. But, with as cookie cutter as they are, we know they tailor their torture for each target. So he did things to her, that he didn’t do to me, and vice versa. She even thought that since he has a new one, that he would leave me alone, but we all know that has not been the case with me.
I’m still of the mind that he’s keeping it up because he didn’t get to toss me out on the street. As far as I can tell, with his other
relationships hostages, he was the one to throw them out. I was the only one who left before he could do that. I’m still being punished for leaving. (As of now he’s overdue for doing something.)