A Delay, Perhaps Indefinitely

I was going to meet up today with the ex before me,  but she canceled. Then I think she felt badly about canceling,  and was going to come anyhow.

I told her that I understand and that I appreciate her talking to me at all. I don’t want to be a source of pain for her. I was afraid of the affect on her of speaking to me in the first place. It’s been almost two years out for her, and I’m not sure how long he harassed her after. I know it takes a long time to heal from being involved with these people. In the end instead of her pushing herself to talk to me, I said we can put it off. Then if she still feels that way, I understand and I respect that. I don’t want her doing anything that makes her uncomfortable, or sets her back.

I wasn’t sure what I was going to ask her. I think that if anything it would be a comfort to connect with someone who knows what it’s like living in hell with him. I wanted to know how long he kept it up with her after. But, with as cookie cutter as they are, we know they tailor their torture for each target. So he did things to her, that he didn’t do to me, and vice versa. She even thought that since he has a new one, that he would leave me alone, but we all know that has not been the case with me.

I’m still of the mind that he’s keeping it up because he didn’t get to toss me out on the street. As far as I can tell, with his other relationships hostages, he was the one to throw them out. I was the only one who left before he could do that. I’m still being punished for leaving. (As of now he’s overdue for doing something.)


6 thoughts on “A Delay, Perhaps Indefinitely

  1. (Continued)… She quickly displayed anxiety and PTSD symptoms…all we could do was hold hands and just say,”I know…me too”. I like her and I always thought something didn’t compute between what the ex would say, and reality. We will probably meet for coffee someday…we exchanged numbers and have talked since then.


    • I had a feeling that would be what would happen if we were to meet up, at least the ideal outcome, so to speak. It was odd, and I posted about it right after, she had come into my work (as a customer) just before I filed for the harassment order. The same week the couple I met through JR came looking for me at work as well. (They only had JR’s phone number, but remembered where I work) In my communication with “P” I told her she came into my job, I waited on her (had a panic attack) and wanted to talk to her then, but didn’t feel it was appropriate. I’m going to message her tonight and let her know that even if she never wants to meet up with me, that’s ok too. I completely understand. She was the one who suggested it, but I understand if she’s not comfortable. When I sent that message I was very, very afraid and somewhat desperate. I’m not in that same place now. I know there are no “lines” for him, at all. That he is willing to go to great lengths to cause harm. I will let her know that if she ever wants to talk, I’m here.


      • Now that you have faced the moment, and survived the panic attack, you have moved into healing this part💜 I have grown to love “open coffee dates” (I’m not a big coffee drinker, but then, these meetings aren’t about the coffee)… As one of psychopath’s earlier targets, she probably didn’t figure out what hit her as quickly as you did. The openness and authenticity that you obviously have, are rare gifts….it will help her just realizing that she is not alone. I imagine being one of their first victims would be worse…at least I saw that there was a pattern/history of crazy-making antics, and was able to accept that the abuse was not my fault. You are awesome💜


      • I would think you’re right. She was in a long term, abusive relationship before JR, so I’m sure she recognized some of the abuse. I told her that I think he’s a narcissistic sociopath, she said she sees why I would say that. I think he’s getting worse with each “relationship”. He may have honed his skills as far as hooking people, but the little I told her of what he did, she seemed to think he was worse. Maybe because she didn’t think he would ever hit a woman. I think him killing her animal is worse then hitting me. We know how killers start.

        I saw the pattern, from the start & gave him tge benefit of the doubt. Because I’ve had few relationships myself, was cheated on in my marriage. I guess I somewhat saw myself in him, if that makes sense.

        Maybe we’ll talk someday. I hope she doesn’t feel alone. I hope she has support.


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