I was reminded again today why I don’t talk to most of the people around me about the narcopath.
But, I’ll have to back up a bit. The reason I was even speaking about Crazy at all is because I’m going to meet with the ex before me, “P”, tomorrow morning to talk. I told my roommate/co worker/friend (at this point I’m using the term “friend” loosely, which is another post altogether. Maybe it really is just me.)
Although I have no worries about meeting up with her, I’ve had warnings from several of my friends already. Which I appreciate. I don’t feel that I have anything to worry about, and I honestly think that she’s likely more apprehensive about meeting me (as to what my motives are.) then I am of her. One of the first things she said to me was that she hoped I wasn’t his current girlfriend fucking with her.
Then the debate ensues with the two roommates about whether or not JR is a narcissistic sociopath, as I have deemed him in my totally non professional opinion. The one roommate,”J” has only laid eyes on my ex a few times. There was one social event that JR came to, that “J” was at, where he very briefly talked to him. So, as far as I’m concerned, and especially since I think “J” is a pompas ass (with many narcissistic traits himself), he holds no valid opinion on my ex.
From what I gathered from talking to “Angel”, it seems that she thinks sociopath = power. She thinks he’s too much of a coward to be a sociopath. That I’m just feeding his ego by labeling him as such. (How I don’t know, because I don’t talk to JR and have not told him that I thinks he’s such.) I’m giving him too much power, and essentially describing my behavior (in the two months right after I left) as empowering him. Which I’m sure was true at the time. The thing is, I’m not acting the same way I had been six months ago, the things he does aren’t affecting me the same way that it used to. I asked what “power” am I giving him now? I left. I don’t talk to him, about anything. Her, “You still run and hide from him.” Me, “Um, no. I haven’t done that in MONTHS, because I thought it was feeding into his behavior.”
I told her, the reason I call him a narcissistic sociopath are: He is only worried about him image, how other people see him, that’s where the narcissism comes from. She was of the mind that narcissism means self love, which is what I thought it was before I actually read up on the disorder. He has no conscience, he has no empathy, and he has no compassion, and he’s a sadist to boot. “Oh, he’s not a sadist.” Yes. He is. “Well, I’m a sadist.” In the end, it just seems like she’s in a competition with him. She has not lived with him, and although she interacted more than “J” has with JR, she still has no idea. And I’m tired of explaining it to her only to be invalidated.
I ran out of steam with this post. Was going to put in the traits of each disorder along with a couple links to scientific articles, but didn’t. I’ll probably edit them in tomorrow. – Constance