Wait and See


Two months. I had two full months of peace and quiet, free from harassment from the narcopath.  I thought for sure he would start back up after the time passed for filing for the De Novo hearing,  I was surprised when he didn’t. I then thought that he would start after the weekend that I ran into his sister and neice at the gas station, and then almost walked straight into him at the grocery store,  later that same day. That was something I’d anticipated dreaded since leaving,  the grocery store encounter. That it had taken months for the first chance encounters just running around town, was good. That he didn’t start again after was a surprise.

I’ve been quiet these last two months since the hearing. I haven’t felt like posting, not because I’m in a bad place, but because I’ve been appreciating the quiet. During this down time I’ve regained my appetite, have finally stopped losing weight, and I’m sleeping pretty regularly. I’ve also been thinking a lot about the energy that I’ve been putting out into the universe, and what I’m attracting in return.  I didn’t want to jinx the peace and quiet.

We’ve been sick a lot since leaving.  Just had another bout of strep throat between my youngest and I. I’m sure that as the stress levels keep decreasing,  that will let up as well.

Easter was difficult.  I’ve been no contact with my family of origin for several years now. There are few that I’m Facebook friends with,  or that I even occasionally communicate with. We were invited to Easter at my uncle’s house. While I miss my non crazy family members, I couldn’t chance stirring the crazy with my raging narc aunt.

Before I went no contact with my parents I was seriously considering a restraining order against my aunt. After implementing no contact with her she also went to great lengths to make me pay. After not attending Easter at my parents three years ago, the narc aunt called the police on me (to do a wellness check), attempting to get CPS involved in my family. Simply because I didn’t show up at a holiday. My parents knew we were fine, since I was renting the apartment upstairs from them. But her attempts to use her sister (my mother) to make me talk to her, or let her have access to my children,  had failed. She also went so far as to call my children’s school. I told my mother at that point that I was thinking about a restraining order.  She may or may not have told the narc aunt as much. Within six months I was no contact with the rest of my family, moved to a different city, left no forwarding address and didn’t give any of them my new number. The narc aunt did end up getting my then phone number. I’m guessing she paid for it from one of those online services. I blocked both her home and cell number after receiving a call from her and nearly answering it. That was two years ago and I’ve seen no obvious signs of her since.

So I passed on Easter with the family, and instead spent my day off with my children.  We had a great day together. The following Tuesday I saw JR’s face go through my newsfeed on Facebook. A mutual friend had posted a picture of him. This friend (JC) is someone I met through him. He had actually been sleeping with us at the same time,  but he supposedly ended things with her because he was more into me. (She eventually told me that, not him.) ~See triangulation. I’ve had her on my restricted list for a long time now, and was debating deleting and blocking her after seeing psycho’s face. (I didn’t delete her as of yet.)

She was one of the few people I talked to when I left him, but had backed off after. (Aside from a few short comments on Facebook, the last text I sent her was wishing her a Happy New Year.) Then a day or two after seeing his picture,  he sent someone up to my work,  on my shift, who was driving his car. It was a male and female I didn’t recognize. I stayed in the back while they were there, so they wouldn’t have the opportunity to complain to my boss, or corporate about me. For some reason those two incidents affected me more then running into him and his sister did. I can only guess it was because of the sadness that I had about not spending Easter with my family.

Last week, right after walking into work, my co worker (who is also my friend and roommate, my escape route from the psycho) warned me that JR had called and would be coming in to pick up stuff. Knowing that, I stayed out of the store as much as possible throughout the day. I took him sending people up to work as a good sign that he would stay away. As the day wore on and he didn’t show, I was hoping that it was due to him seeing my car in the parking lot, that maybe that discouraged him. No. Nope. That is too much to hope for. Instead, he waited until much later in the evening to call again, apparently to be certain that I was working, and then come in when I couldn’t avoid him and had no choice but to wait on him. Forcing contact on me.

I’m happy with how I handled it. This time I wasn’t a shaking, unable to speak, mess. His voice shook, and his hands shook as he paid for his stuff. I treated him as I would any other customer. I thankfully had the new guy that’s in training, standing next to me the whole time. Just after he paid for his stuff, my other co worker (who came to court with me) got back. I have two witnesses just in case he tries to start problems for me at work again. 

JR looks like a mad man now, (how fitting) having grown out a crazy beard. Think Charles Manson. His outside is definitely matching his inside. He disgusts me. I didn’t even want him to brush my hand as he was handing me money. I had to stop myself from pulling my hand away when it seemed he was going to touch it.

Does this mean he’s going to begin again? I don’t know. Maybe. He essentially gets a do over since I can’t use anything I put in the other restraining order in a new one. How great for him! But since I didn’t get the permanent order I decided to come out of hiding. I did the things I was afraid to do before, like change my address with the DMV. I don’t think he has the balls to physically come after me, it’s not the same as when he thought he had me trapped at his house. The things he’s done have been, for the most part, from the privacy and comfort of his home. (Aside from coming into my job like gang busters.) He won’t act up at my work,  to ensure that he can keep coming back to try to further antagonize me.

So again, he’s gotten no reaction out of me. I guess it’s a wait and see. The difference now being I’m not actively trying to be a step ahead of him, or anticipate what his next move will be. I refuse to live in fear.

I do believe he is desperate still. (Likely because one of his side pieces probably threw him in the gutter, where he belongs.) I don’t think he will post any more naked pictures,  especially since the revenge porn law is so close to being signed here. I’m not sure what’s left for him to try. Since identifying my other co worker as his flying monkey, he can try to use her, but if she keeps it up she won’t have a job. HR has already had to get involved with her a few times in the last three months, and not just from me. I won’t spend time with her outside of work anymore,  so she’s out. He’d have to either get really creative,  or just out right come after me. If that’s the case, game on motherfucker. I dare you.


4 thoughts on “Wait and See

  1. Great job with “no contact”! I went through much of the same-it eased up after about 13 months, as he seemingly gave up trying to gain full custody of our small children…It is REAL WORK to keep oneself from jumping back into the cycle of abuse-it has become our “normal”, and we have become conditioned to the cycles…So happy for you having some peace💜AoA

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you 🙂 The upside is I didn’t have kids with him, not that he didn’t try, so there’s no reason to have to have contact with him. I’m glad you’ve gotten some respite as well. Isn’t it horrible how we can’t say, “Well, he’s finished. He’s stopped.” We use language like “seemingly” because we’re usually waiting for the other shoe to drop. (With good reason) After the hearing my ex husband thought for sure JR was finished. After hearing about recently he apologized and told me I was right. Mark that on the calendar. LOL It’s not something I enjoy being right about. I know that seven months after JR’s “situation” ended with the ex before before me, he brought a group of friends into her job, to mess with her. He was seeing me at the time, wanted to “show me off” to her but I told him no. I wasn’t going to do that. He then found “B” and brought her along with instead. (That was one of the red banners I ignored) So I knew that he likely wasn’t finished with me, only being four months gone.

      One thing I can say about myself is when I’m done, I’m done. I may give too many chances leading up to that, but once I’m finished I don’t go back. I’d looked at my family relationships differently, like I HAD to put up with this stuff because “they’re family”. I finally found the enough button with that BS. I won’t participate in their disfunction any longer.


  2. So good to see you ‘back’ on WP! And from this post it appears you are getting stronger and stronger! I like how you described his physical appearance that matches ‘the inside’! Stay Strong my friend!!! ~hugs~

    Liked by 1 person

    • I feel much stronger now. There’s still a lot of work to be done, but I feel like I’m leaps and bounds from where I was four months ago.

      He looks completely insane. It was one of those “what the hell did I see in him” moments.


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