Today Is a Bad Day or What Not To Do Going Into Court

I am shaking an numb and have been for the entire day. I started by oversleeping. I was surprised that I got any sleep at all last night. My day started out a little behind.

I met my co worker/friend at the court house. He agreed to come with so I didn’t have to go alone. My intention was to get a lawyer, but I was waiting on my tax refund to do so. They came later then I planned on, not in enough time to get council. Once inside I proceeded to make my “irrational panic attack” come true and couldn’t find the court room. When I finally found it and went inside right at 8:15 when it was supposed to start.

Of course he showed up. He brought with him a lawyer, (like I figured he would) his parents and some chick who looked slightly familiar, but not sure who she was. I thought for sure he would bring his side piece that he rubbed in my face the week before I left, but it wasn’t her.

He made sure to wear his work uniform.  He likes using his job to get out of trouble, so to speak. I’ve seen him pull out his C.O. badge to try to get past a city work crew that blocked off a street. That was the first time he scared me with how angry he got, because he couldn’t go the way he wanted. He scared my youngest who was in the car with us as well. When he would spend the night at my house and have to park on the street, since he didn’t have a parking permit, he would put his work hat on the front dash to try to avoid a ticket. The day that I moved out, because I brought people to help me, he put on his work jacket to try to intimidate us. Like he’s a police officer.

The court commissioner started out by saying that there were three cases for injunctions scheduled for the same time this morning. Due to that, and time constraints, some people might have to come back at a later date. My stomach hit the floor hearing that. I had wanted to get this over with since first filing. I was momentarily happy that we were the first case called. Momentarily, it didn’t last long.

I was terrified, intimidated that I sat there alone, and that I had to testify to him posting naked pictures of me on the internet, in front of a court room full of people. I know my voice shook as I spoke, I could barely talk. My throat closed up almost as soon as I sat down at the front table. His lawyer started in on me about that immediately, which pissed me off. That helped me speak louder.

Thirteen years ago I had to get a domestic violence restraining order against the father of my youngest. That was entirely different from what I experienced today. That was in a small closed room, with only myself, the prosecutor, DV advocate, and a judge. (possibly a public defender, I can’t remember.) He had shown up, but then left. They had me present my case and I was granted the permanent order.

I had no idea what I was doing as far as the stalking/harassment order. The court commissioner asked me why I wanted the injunction. I started to tell him the events starting from when I moved out. He immediately told me that he had no idea what I was talking about when I said, “moved from there” (I believe I said there) that I had to give him more information. So I told him that by December 2013, we had been in a relationship for approximately one year. That I didn’t establish residence until October 2013, I had my own apartment up until then,  but hadn’t spent much time at my apartment since May of that year.

I told him about Christmas Eve, and started to tell him about the texts, JR’s lawyer objected, I couldn’t say anything about them, it was considered hearsay because the person JR was texting wasn’t there. So I moved on to the naked pictures of me, he lawyer objected again, the commissioner told me I would have to “shore that one up later”. I then told him about JR repeatedly coming into my work, the last time he came in and how I had to leave the store.

JR’s lawyer got to ask me questions. He made it out that I only moved in with JR because I didn’t have electricity in my apartment. He also made it sound absurd that JR should have to drive to a different store.

I was sitting there waiting for the commissioner to ask to see my evidence. Instead he asked if I had anything else to “tell” him. I said no, being frustrated by all the objections. He then said case closed and proceeded to bitch me out for not having a case, and not showing evidence. I told him that I have the emails, I have proof of the pictures. He told me it was too late, that he was not granting the order, it was dismissed and that I could apply for a De Novo hearing.

By this time I almost wasn’t comprehending anything. I walked back to my friend and sat waiting for the paperwork. After receiving the paperwork from the bailiff, he told us to wait for a few minutes because JR and company were leaving the court room. We sat, I was reeling from not being able to show my evidence. Then another bailiff came to us and said we could leave now. We stood up, and a lady who was sitting in the back row stood up and approached me. I was relieved to see a sympathetic face and thought she was likely an advocate, and she introduced herself as such.

As we walked out of the court room I see that JR and company are standing right outside the court room door. I’m now thinking, why the hell did they tell me to leave the room if he’s still standing outside??? The bailiff then proceeded to try to bully me out of the court house, repeatedly stating, “You’re going out to your car, right?!?”  I responded yes to him, and continued to talk to the advocate, and he said again, “YOU’RE GOING OUT TO YOUR CAR, RIGHT??” He said this at least three times, in succession. I was irritated since I already responded to him the first time. The advocate told him no, I was going to get paperwork for the De Novo hearing. None of his fucking business was what I was thinking, since he wasn’t escorting me anywhere. As soon as he heard that he turned and walked back to JR and company.

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10 thoughts on “Today Is a Bad Day or What Not To Do Going Into Court

  1. OMG!!!! I am so sorry!! Why, why, why do these sick individuals continue to skate by in life causing so much destruction to human lives????!!! I just don’t get it. Did you apply for the De Novo hearing?

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    • I’m looking into it. I know I have a limited amount of time to do so. This time I’m going to the DV shelter and talking to the people there. Due to my work schedule leading up to court, I didn’t have the opportunity to do that before. The advocate said that she can give me some names of lawyers. If a lawyer thinks I have a good chance of getting it, then I’ll go forward. If not, I can only hope that he’s finished. I hope it sinks in now that I’m not going to keep putting up with his bullshit, and won’t hesitate to get the police involved again.

      My advice to anyone else in these situations is not to go in alone, have someone there with you. An advocate, or lawyer. I had no clue what I was doing. And have as many witnesses as you can, along with your documentation.

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  2. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I went through a similar situation, though I had gone to my local DV center and they gave me a court advocate. She told me what to do to prepare, and I won 4 more months of protection Pro Se. I was so OCD that I had all kinds of documentation with me when I went: phone records, emails, SMS messages, plus written and typed journals of everything that had happened. I won against my Ex and his attorney. My court advocate joked that I should have went to law school.

    I had to attend the custody hearing for our son last Friday. This time, I went just as prepared…with a turbo jet pack. When I go there, my Ex had as a witness some guy I’ve never seen before in my life. I’m 100% sure he was there for either a fake alibi or a fake testimony. Plus, his sister who had harassed and bullied me before. I was starting to freak out a little, but maintained my composure. As it turned out, we were able to come to an agreement through our attorneys and didn’t have the hearing after all. My prayers were answered!

    I can relate to how you were feeling. There’s almost no worse feeling in the world…are you going back anytime soon for any reason?

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    • I’m so glad that yours went well!! Especially since you’ve dealt with so much more then I have, and I’ve only read a little of what you’ve gone through with your ex.

      I had a whole folder of information. I had emails establishing when I moved out, emails to the take down service I contacted about the pictures, the communication with the Online tax account about the changed password. Emails to my employer about the situation, and the problems that he’s caused me at work with the one co worker. (One of JR’s flying monkeys, I haven’t even written about that confrontation yet) Print outs of his profile where he posted the pictures of me, print outs to prove that as of March 6th (2 days before he was served) he still had the pictures posted. Proof that he then removed them after being served. I never had the opportunity to show the commissioner anything that I brought. I had no idea what I was doing though. I think part of it was he was making an example of my case to the lawyers in the court room, and the time crunch. I think the commissioner took advantage of me not having council, and having no clue, it was over with in no time. I think it took all of 10 minutes, 15 tops and I think that’s pushing it. To me his wording was purposeful. He never asked to see evidence, he was asking for more testimony. And I didn’t know if I could object to the questions his lawyer was asking me, so I just answered everything he asked.

      At this point I don’t plan on filing for the De Novo hearing. I talked to a lawyer earlier this week, he doesn’t think I have a good chance of getting the permanent order. I made a couple mistakes, one not talking to anyone from the domestic violence center before filing, they could have helped with me filling out the order. I talked to a victim advocate at the court house, but she really wasn’t much help, just gave me the paper work and told me to fill it out. The major mistake being that I didn’t put anything that he did while I lived with him in the paperwork. I didn’t put in there that he had hit me with the fan during an argument. I did my *own* blaming and thought that they would say, “Well, you still stayed for 2 months after that happened.” “You didn’t call the police.” etc. I was going on the things he had done after I moved out of the house.

      The lawyer said I would have a “better” chance if the person JR was texting (pretending to be me) would come be a witness, but I think M doesn’t want to get involved. Up until the week before I filed for the order M was willing to at least let me print out the texts, but suddenly he said he no longer had the phone. I’d asked him to be a witness, but got no response. To that the lawyer said it would be more that JR was harassing M, and possibly identity theft of me, that would be something to handle with police. (I called the police that night, and they told me they couldn’t do anything about the texts, so there was never even a report made about it.) As far as the naked pictures, the revenge porn bill is *almost* law. But as the law stands now, it’s only illegal for someone to take naked pictures or video of someone without their consent. The lawyer thought that since he had my permission to take the pictures I had little chance of going anywhere with that. That it was “weird” that he posted them after I moved out. But if I were to get an ultra conservative judge (the new hearing would be in front of a judge, not the commissioner) that the judge might say that I deserved what happened because I let him take the pictures. Even though JR REMOVED the pictures AFTER he was served the temporary restraining order. (I specifically put his posting of the pictures in there) and even though it’s so close to being law here now. Even though I could prove the time frame of him posting the pictures, and when he removed them. That since my face wasn’t in them, I’m the only one who knows it’s me.

      JR coming into my work, even though it’s to fuck with me, he didn’t say anything to me, even though he talked about me to my co workers, he wasn’t directly harassing me. He wasn’t loitering, he was acting as a customer. Even though his actions were a direct contradiction of his words about not wanting any “drama” with me. Even though he’d already done those other things before coming into my work all the time.

      In the end the lawyer said that he didn’t think it was frivolous, that obviously it had merit because otherwise they wouldn’t have signed off on the temporary order. But he said that if he would have met me before I filed the paperwork he would have told me to wait till he did more. He said it was good I went for the stalking/harassment order (it’s a 4 year injunction), although I could have went for a domestic violence order. In the end he said he would take the case, but he really doesn’t think I have a good chance of getting it. I have a few more days to think on it. But at this point I don’t want to spend that much money to lose.

      One of two things will happen if I don’t file for the De Novo:

      1) He will stop, because now he knows I’m not fucking around and I will go after another order. I will, and the next time I will make for damn sure that I get a permanent order. I won’t make the same mistakes again.

      2) Not getting the permanent order will go to his head, reaffirming that he is above the law. Because of that he will continue, and possibly get careless. He’s itching to do something to me, because his every two week clock has been disrupted, he hasn’t been able to act out since the end of February. He’s still behaving now because I have time to file for the hearing, I’m sure his lawyer and everyone else told him to knock it off till the time has passed. – Although two of our work trucks have gotten flat tires last week. The same tire on each truck. The place we got them fixed asked if we pissed someone off lately, because it the placement of the screw was suspicious. I think it was probably him, simply because he can’t do anything *directly* to me right now. I’d be able to walk into court in the new hearing and be like, “See what he did now.” It would have satisfied his sick need to do something. But, that’s just my thought.

      I’m sure he’s gloating, and likely bragging. Meh. I made my point that I’m not going to be terrorized and not going to put up with his bullshit. I dare him to do anything else.

      One thing I realized after court, he looked exactly the same as he did the day that I moved out. He was so surprised that I was *actually* leaving, he sat there like a statue on the couch in the living room. His jaw on the floor, his side piece laying on the couch with her head in his lap stroking his goatee, jabbering away. And he sat there like a statue. It made me laugh, partially because she had no idea, and kept jabbering away, and mostly because just looking at him you could tell that he couldn’t believe that I WAS LEAVING. He looked like a lost little boy who’d had his toy snatched out of his hands. He looked just like that in court. Someone has taken away his toy. Poor him.

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  3. Court…I went in October for the temp custody hearing after having been separated 10 months-no child support-and only minimal personal belongings due to the sheriffs who accompanied me to get some things said I was only allowed to take my clothes and some for the children. Now, after a two hour deposition full of lies to defend against, we are going back to court Monday. It is one last attempt of him to control and intimidate me. My happy accident was when I ended up at the domestic violence center -originally not seeking support, but getting it anyway. They saw it even when I was in the fog with no idea what had happened. Praying for you and your courtroom adventures! Great blog!

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    • Thank goodness for happy accidents! I wish that I would have done that before I filed the original paperwork for the order. I wish you the best of luck in court.

      Thank you for stopping by. 🙂

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