being served with papers. I was granted a temporary restraining order today.
I did well until I got to the court house, then the shaking and crying began. The fear that they would tell me that he hasn’t done enough was overwhelming. The fear of the possible repercussions of filing have been a big part of why I kept putting today off.
I realized it was insanity on my part, hoping that he would stop, when he clearly has no intention to. At this point he probably feels untouchable. He’s been able to repeatedly come into my work, knowing that I had tried and failed to have him banned from the store. He had no police pounding on his door after sending out those texts on Christmas Eve. The pictures he posted of me are still up there.
I marched up there, (literally, because I walked to the court house.) with my folder of everything I could gather as far as proof, and filled out the paper work with one of the victim/witness service people. It was a relief to hear the words, “It’s been approved.” A relief and agony. Agony that it’s had to go this far, that I have to go to these lengths to be safe from him. That he can’t simply leave me alone, and let me be at peace. Agony because this will affect his job, possibly causing him to be fired. If that happens I have no doubt it will be open season on me. I will be the “crazy bitch” who cost him his job and he’ll have plenty of time to then further stalk and harass me. I don’t think he’ll try to kill me, but I don’t really know that for sure.
I’m so tired.