And So It Begins

“Are you ok?”

“I’ll be ok. I’m ok.”

I’ve lost track of how often I’ve said those two sentences in the last 78 days, but it’s a lot. I think if I keep saying it over and over, eventually it will be true. Maybe I can convince myself, and not just everyone else.

I said it again today, several times, after JR came into my job, during my shift. And so it begins. “Are you ok??”  “I’m ok. I’ll be alright.” Don’t notice the uncontrollable shaking, or that I’m pacing the store like a caged animal with no place to hide. The fact I had to endure that sick, sadistic, poor excuse of a human beings presence for 45 long minutes. I could hear the glee in his voice when he saw me, see him. There are times when I hate being right. I hate that he is so very predictable. I hate that I ever laid eyes on him. Can’t he just prove me wrong? Every. Two. Weeks. Like clockwork.

I thank God that I am not under his roof any longer.

I know that for the most part I’m preaching to the choir. Most, if not all, of you get why him coming into my place of employment, even when I’m not there, bothers me. So this explanation is for those of you who don’t.

The Phone

Back in June I dropped my phone on the ground, getting out of his car, after we’d gone out for dinner. I didn’t realize it until hours later, and it had started raining just after we got home. He referred to his house as “our home” even though I had my own apartment, and he had been talking like that for a couple of months by that time. He would go so far as to correct me if I called it his house. “Our home” he’d say. Pffft

Phones don’t like being soaked in water for hours. I kept that phone for months until I could come up with the money to replace it, as I had a no contract phone, which I prefer. He’d repeatedly offered for me to use one of the unused lines on his plan that was (supposedly) left from his sister and niece. That would come with a two-year contract. I don’t like being stuck in a contract, and I really dislike his carrier, so I thought on it for a long time.

Since he’d already told my youngest he was thinking about marrying me, and we were talking about moving in, a two-year contract didn’t seem like a big deal. What’s a two-year commitment when we’re talking marriage? August 6 I get a phone on his plan. I pay for the activation, the phone and my bill.

That damn phone. How dare I speak to anyone besides him? “Who you talking to? Who you talking to? Who you talking to?”  “Um, my daughter. Is that ok?”  There will be an entire post on that fucking phone. Just know that once I had a phone on his plan he was obsessed with MY phone. No, nevermind that his phone went off all day long, every day. Don’t pay attention to that. Don’t pay attention to the man behind the curtain.

At the end of the relationshit all he was worried about was my phone, and replacing his phone. If I was going to continue to have a phone on his plan, after he broke up with me. At first I was going to pay the bill and keep that damn phone. Then I woke up and realized that he would use that thing against me every chance he could, as he already had been. He could shut it off when he felt like it, irregardless if I paid the bill or not, since he owns the line. A month before he had gone through my phone, and email account. He had already threatened to have my texts forwarded to his email prior. The audacity and self righteousness was amazing! I never, NEVER invaded his privacy. We lived in the same house, slept in the same bed, and I never went so far as to open his dresser drawers. If it wasn’t mine, I didn’t open it. I knew that if I was at the point where I was playing detective, then it was already over.

I ordered a different phone, got a different number and waited for it to come in the mail. I was so. sick. of. the. phone. It got there the day before I ended up moving out of the house. Great timing. If I had to communicate with him I did it with my old phone so that he didn’t have my new number.

Here’s where I screwed up. I gave him that phone (that I paid for), and the sim card (that I paid to have activated). I was being considerate, as us humans are sometimes known to be. There is no being considerate with a narcopath, not that you don’t end up paying for.  Since that phone had a new two-year contract, he was supposed to change the number to that sim card and cancel two of the lines to save himself some money every month. I could have terminated service early. I could have transferred my number to my new phone. But no, I gave him the whole kit and kaboodle. I factory reset that phone, BUT, I didn’t go through and manually delete the contacts that were saved on the sim card. I didn’t know that I had to, I thought a factory reset would wipe the whole thing clean. It didn’t. What did he do you ask?

Christmas Eve 2013

Christmas Eve was the turning point, when I knew for a fact that I was not safe from him, or around him. I had off that day, and slept into the afternoon. When I woke up and checked my phone, I had a text and a voicemail from my (male) friend “M”.

– “Hi if you get a chance give me a call I think I’m not sure but I’m almost positive its your ex so anyway give me a call I think I’m pretty positive it is your ex text me but anyway give me a call kinda curious” – He drives a lot so he uses text to talk, just fyi

The voicemail from him said pretty much the same thing. So I call M. He tells me that starting at 8am he has received 42 text messages, from JR using my old phone number pretending to be me. Texts that say things like, “I’m so hornie.”  “I haven’t had any in a while.”  “I need some relief from everything that’s going on right now.” “Is there some place quiet we can meet?” That sick fuck tried to set me up for a sexual encounter. Thankfully all that happened was finding out about the texts. That was not the case for this woman. Her ex posted her on Craigslist: http://articles.latimes.com/2010/jan/11/nation/la-na-rape-craigslist11-2010jan11

Hearing what he had been sending, all morning long, was yet another kick in the gut from him. There had been several of those since October. That made me think of that woman who was posted on Craigslist, and that what he did was too much like that. What if he’s talking to other men, pretending to be me, and he sends them into my work? What if he finds out where I live and starts sending people to my house? What will that sick fuck do next?

JR texted at least three other people that I know of, but since they saved my new number under my name and the texts came up with no name, they ignored them. He tried two of my male co workers and one other male friend. I got to warn people on Christmas Eve that my psychotic ex was being psychotic. Sorry, but he’s crazy. If he texted you please save the messages for the police. Thank you. Merry Christmas.

He posted naked pictures of me online that day as well. Merry Christmas. I’m almost positive he was in my email, re sending pictures that I had sent to him back in June and July. I thought he would wait to do anything because if he has three police contacts in a years time he will get fired from his job, and he was already at two for the year.

When I left I didn’t leave a forwarding address. As far as I know, he doesn’t know exactly where I live. I haven’t changed my address with the post office or the DMV yet because I’m afraid he will use his resources at his job to find out where I live.

The last communication he got from me was a cease and desist email regarding using my old phone number to text people posing as me. I went completely NO CONTACT after that.

He started coming into work last month. First, he asked my co worker (his flying monkey) if I was scheduled, and would come in when I wasn’t there. Of course I heard about it. My co workers knew what he did on Christmas Eve, they know I’m not safe from him. The second time he came in my co worker J overheard him say to my Angel that he doesn’t want to come in when I’m working because he’s, “trying to avoid drama.” Right. Then go to the other store, that I DON’T WORK AT. THAT’S how you avoid drama. You don’t come into my place of employment when there’s another store, not far from your house, that I DON’T WORK AT. You don’t ask my co workers/friends my schedule, you don’t put other people in that position.

I knew it was a matter of time before he didn’t “care” if I was there or not. I had not laid eyes on him, or stood in the same room for 78 days. And so it begins. Everything up until this point he’s done from a distance. So even though he has gotten nothing from me, he still continues.

And so it begins.

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11 thoughts on “And So It Begins

    • He’s doing everything he can to make me pay for leaving. I get angry when I see other people post (in the facebook support groups) that “he will stop when he finds other supply.” No, he won’t and he hasn’t. He had/has other supply before the relationship was over. He had her spending the night at “our house” less than a week after telling me to move my “shit” upstairs. (To share a room with my youngest.) I don’t doubt that he still stalks and harasses his other exs. I’m surprised that he hasn’t had any restraining orders against him already.

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      • There is no easy ‘fix’ for you Constance. Somehow you just have to try and maintain control (emotional control especially). I suppose to you need to be as and act as disinterested in the bullshit that spews out of his mouth (because that’s all that comes out of their mouth). Hang in there girl!

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      • I did well yesterday. I said nothing to him, I didn’t acknowledge him. I stayed as far away as I could. I was glad that both my managers were there when he came in. Finally my boss sent me out of the store on an errand, thankfully. I’ve not broken no contact, even still. I didn’t let myself fall apart till last night after I got to see my oldest and was home. I’ve been doing the grey rock method with him, I don’t know that it’s helping, since he’s not discouraged. I suppose it could always be worse.

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  1. This sounds exactly like the things my Ex used to do…minus the nude pics.

    If I were you, I’d definitely consider contacting the police, filing a report, and then going to the courthouse and getting a restraining order. These are all things I was forced to do when my narcopath wouldn’t stop stalking and harassing me…

    Plus, your situation would be on record in the event it’s needed anytime in the future.

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    • That is today’s agenda. I’m gathering all my stuff right now to go to the court house and do just that. I’ve repeatedly put it off, worried that I will be told it’s not enough for a restraining order. Hoping that he would finally just stop. And I’m worried about the repercussions after.as it will affect his job. (Which I fully realize is not my fault.) I know it will go one of two ways, he will either stop, which would be great. Or his will entirely loose his shit, it will be open season on me. If he looses his job he will have lots of time to devote to further stalking and harassment. I’m afraid, but more afraid then if I do nothing about his behavior.

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      • I hope you are able to obtain the restraining order. Although, my solicitor (attorney) told me they are really not worth the paper they are written on~they have to be ‘caught in the act of breaking it’….. 😦

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      • I agree. That, like laws, are for the honest, non law breakers. My mother always used to say, “Locks only keep out the honest. Thieves will find a way in.” Laws, as well as rules, don’t apply to him, and it is likely to enrage him. If that happens, then he might at least wind up in jail, and away from me. One can only hope.
        I have to go back Monday. I had printed off paperwork from the court house website, but there’s a whole stack that needs to be filled out, along with a statement. I will work on that this weekend and go in early Monday morning.

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