What Can We Do?

I want legal resources for dealing with these sick people and the often times criminal things they do to their targets/victims. Obviously the law differs from state to state, and different countries. Unless it’s federal it won’t be across the board in the United States. Since I’m trying to be somewhat anonymous I will only say that I’m from the Midwest United States.

Tela Hill posted here about the various things that have/can be done to targets during the smear campaign and the devalue and discard. But how do you find these things? If anyone has any pointers, please share them along with any resources or suggestions in dealing with those things.

First and foremost DOCUMENT everything. Dates, times, places, interactions. Print out and save email communications, text messages. Document, document, document! This will go for restraining/harassment orders and the like. While restraining orders are not bullet proof, they are the start of a legal paper trail.

The relationship I was in was abusive. It took a while for me to spit out that word to describe what I had just escaped from, and I do mean escaped. I’m still in hiding. The abuse was gradual, and it took me a while to identify it, even though it had been pointed out as being toxic as early as August, two months before I gave up my apartment. (I had not left his house for more than a handful of days since May of last year.)  He was controlling. He was mentally, verbally, emotionally, and towards the end, physically abusive.

After his mask slipped, and he had me where he thought I had no place to go, it got physical. On a particularly horrible “family” day with him, he smacked me in the head “accidentally” when we were at dinner with my friends. I say accidentally, because he made it look like an accident, it was no accident. When I moved my chair away from him he threw a fit, “NOW YOU DON’T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO ME?!?!”   “You just HIT ME.  No I don’t want to sit next to you!” He didn’t apologize, just sat there fuming. His behavior that entire day was deplorable. He was completely miserable, nasty, cruel, and determined to make me and my youngest miserable. I believe it was a few days later that he knocked over a standing fan at me, which then hit me, during a discussion. I lasted approximately a month and a half after the fan incident. I have no doubt that if I would have stayed it would have gotten so much worse. As it were the “good times” were shorter and shorter, only lasting about a week at a time, if that.

Pointers for escaping an abusive relationship from Dr. Phil, and sheknows.com and the Robin Mcgraw app.

Since leaving, I periodically Google search my name in quotations. I’ve also Google searched my phone number, including my old phone number, email address, and any user name I have used on websites. I’m thinking if there’s a posting a Craigslist or something it should come up. After what he did on Christmas Eve I wouldn’t put it past him to post me on Craigslist.

For the stalking/harassment there are restraining orders/protection orders/protection from abuse orders. Here’s some information on cyberstalking and harassment laws by state.

Revenge porn. This is one I’m dealing with. He’s a classy guy, what can I say. He was a very busy little boy this past Christmas Eve. (That was 13 days after I left. Again with the two week clock.) Here’s a website I found to report the pictures. Here’s another website.

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11 thoughts on “What Can We Do?

    • Thank you. I use Google A LOT. lol I find myself frustrated lately as what I’m able to do to stop him and hold him accountable. If anyone else has suggestions, feel free to post them.

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  1. This is a great post! As far as putting restraining orders in place, for the most part they are not worth the paper they are printed on. In my case the police would have to actually ‘catch him in the act of violating it’…well we all know we can’t have 24 hour police protection! Thank you Constance for reaching out to those that have been where we have!!! Hugs xo

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    • I agree about the restraining order. Sometimes the only thing we can hope for is starting a legal paper trail. There has to be a way to hold them accountable for their actions.

      It has been a regular nightmare since leaving. There are fleeting moments when my brain says, “At least he didn’t do THIS when I was living there.” Not logical, and likely not the case, I know. He was great at hiding it then. I hate that there are so many of us out there that have been through this. Hugs right back! ❤

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      • No apology necessary! Grief shared is grief healed! The more we can share our stories and our life in HELL with these evil monsters, the more we can hope to start the healing process for someone else… Or at the very least may be help someone to realize what kind of person they are dealing with! If you post something and want to link a page of mine-please do so, and likewise I will with yours! 😄

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  2. Hang in there sweetie…I’ve been there too. And it appears that I will find out sooner what happens in my case…”they” are plea bargaining as we speak…looks like D-Day will be by next Wednesday…now pardon me I have to go puke 😦

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