That’s how I got through yesterday. Friday was difficult, I was off work, and of course it was VD. I was on guard, it’s been 11 days since his last stunt, (SOMEONE logged into my online tax account and changed my password.) and my nerves are only just calming down. That’s usually when he strikes again, when I’ve gotten comfortable. I told a friend of mine that I would be happy if I make it through the weekend narcopath free. So far, so good. I spent yesterday with my youngest and my good friend, who dragged me out of the house to go dress shopping. It’s been extremely difficult for me to be in public lately, my anxiety has been so high. Add to that, I’m really not a window shopping girl. When I shop I know what I’m going for, I go, I get it and I get out. I dislike malls, although I made $8 in the first half hour we were in there yesterday (doing secret mall stuff) which was alright. I took that as a good omen.
I spent more time thinking about him yesterday then I care to admit, none of it was good. I just knew that he would be wining and dining his side piece, only to twist the knife, because the holiday itself means nothing to him. He flaked out on me this time last year. Made a big thing of taking me out to buy me a corset and frilly underwear the week before, to get a “happy VD text” just like all the other 200+ contacts in his phone. I didn’t look any where, for any signs of him or what he did yesterday. (YAY ME!) It was tempting, but I like not being in extreme emotional pain better then finding out I was right. I am not a glutton for punishment. It’s two months since I moved out and a month and a half no contact. I pretty much went no contact before I moved out of the house. I had already deleted and blocked him on Facebook due to his night time poor me posts all over my Facebook. After he paraded his side piece through the house I didn’t speak to him. It was all business from there. Even the last emails I sent to him were all business, nothing emotional. Another go me! moment.
I bought myself some new clothes, since most of what I own is too big for me. I’m guessing I’ve lost around 20lbs since leaving, maybe more. Got my youngest a new jacket so I can get the old one back to the narcopath, or just set it on fire, I don’t know yet. Either way I don’t want to look at it any more. Next shopping trip with be with another friend for new frilly underthings since I left anything that he bought for me there. Bad ju ju. He can try and stuff his new cow into them, I wasn’t taking them with. I will call her what I feel like due to her getting off on hurting my child and I as much as he did. She had the same sick smirk on her face he had, so she deserves what’s coming to her. Just in case someone feels like piping up about her being just as much a victim as I was. Nope. There were others that I’m sure fell for his bullshit like I did, but they didn’t behave the way his side piece did. I feel sorry for those other girls. Moving on.