This has been a strange week

I will start where I am now and eventually work my way back to the beginning of the relationship.

I moved out of the exNarcbf’s house on 12-12-2013. The week leading up to moving out was enlightening to say the least. I’ve been no contact since 12-25-2013. No contact meaning he’s blocked on social networking, and I’ve filtered out his email addresses so that they don’t hit my inbox. I got a new phone and phone number the day before I moved out of the house, there will be more on this phone business later. Since going no contact, he’s gotten increasingly more desperate for a reaction from me, and therefore increasingly more dangerous. His behavior is escalating. He’s come into my work twice now, it’s the only place I couldn’t block him from.

This past week was strange. I don’t know if it could be attributed to that full moon at the end of January, maybe he’s sending out people to find information on me, or maybe it’s just a coincidence these people came in contact with me.  His ex before me came into my work. I don’t know that she knows who I am, if she does she didn’t say anything. I got a text from the old roommate who still lives with the exNarc, who I haven’t heard from since the beginning of January. The husband of a couple that I met with exNarc last fall, sought me out as well. It was surreal.

Since I moved out I’ve been in hiding. I wish I could say this is the first time that I have escaped an abusive relationship, but it’s not. I immediately went into survival/hiding mode. My anxiety has been extremely high in general. I usually don’t go anywhere aside from work and the grocery store. The grocery store was a huge deal at first because I was worried that I would run into him. I finally went out, to dinner with a friend, for the first time since the end of November. My night out was good and bad. I’m still a mess. It’s difficult for me to be out in public. I was glad to see my friend, who I hadn’t seen since around Thanksgiving. She’s been trying to get me out for weeks now. I’ve been physically shaking for the last week, I have no idea why. I had to talk myself down the whole drive down there, and keep reassuring myself that the odds of him showing up there were slim. I realized that I spent most of the hour hugging or holding on to myself. I told her beforehand that I was worried about being a spaz. Dinner conversation was mostly about the break up and the things that he has done to me since leaving. She met the both of us at the same time, although through the course of the relationship talked to him more often then me, until I left. I heard for the first time, the smear campaign that he started sometime back in October/November. I’d had an idea of what he was saying to certain friends of his, based on the sneers I was getting at the exNarc’s birthday dinner at the end of November (from someone who I hadn’t seen for a year), but had no confirmation until the other night.

What did I learn? That all the fucked up things he did in the relationship, he told people I had done to him. Am I surprised? Not at all. In reality I knew that he had been doing that all along. I called him out on his projection many times, especially at the end.

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